Randy Johnson was one of the most intimidating pitchers of all times. Playing for seven MLB teams over the course of his 21-year career, his fastball made him one of the hardest-throwing pitchers in baseball history. That’s why you don’t want to break into his house. In an interview, Johnson revealed that he doesn’t own a gun, but that his method of self-defense is keeping a bag of baseballs next to his bed so he can bean intruders. He even recommends that any would-be home invaders wear batting helmets. Of course, that wasn’t an empty threat. Putting aside the physics of the hypothetical situation — Is Johnson lying in bed or standing? How much time does he have? How close is the target? — there’s ample evidence that Johnson could do some serious damage with his fastball. Unlike other fastball pitchers, Johnson hit a lot of batters — 190 of them in fact. A batting helmet may have saved Boston Red Sox left fielder Mike Greenwell’s life in 1993. Johnson also fractured San Francisco Giants first baseman J.T. Snow’s eye socket in 1997. And then there’s that poor bird, may it rest in peace. Clearly, Randy Johnson actually hitting people with baseballs is a real thing, so anyone considering breaking into his house should definitely spend some money on a good quality helmet.
