“Watermelon is one of my favorite foods to eat, and I love that it’s also really healthy for you.” At first glance, Bob didn't think that was a controversial statement, but then his colleague interrupted to correct him, starting off by saying, “Well, actually…….” Bob immediately bristled. His colleague’s opening had put him off and made him not listen to whatever came next. The mistake the colleague made was in opening with, “Well, actually,” which was clearly taken as a condescending and dismissive thing to say. There are actually some common phrases that you should never start a sentence with, and here are just a few.
“With all due respect …” — This common phrase is at the top of the list of things you shouldn’t say if you want to get a positive reaction. People try to use this modifying phrase as a sort of “get out of jail free” card by preventing the other person from feeling bad or disrespected, but it doesn’t work that way. Instead of stating respect, show respect when communicating with others.
“You always…..” — Starting a sentence with “You always” or “You never” will immediately put the other person on the defensive. These phrases will escalate conflict and make it much harder to communicate, even when used in a positive way. Instead of “You always forget to take out the trash,” you should instead say, “I noticed that you forgot to take out the trash this morning. Busy day?” It may seem nit-picky, but this little tweak can have a big impact on how your message is received.
“To be honest …” — This phrase can be a red flag that whatever comes next is not going to be honest. That’s because people who are honest don’t usually feel the need to announce it. Take ownership of what you’re saying. Just state it, instead of adding an introduction or an afterthought.
“No offense …” — The minute the person you’re talking to hears these words, they are going to brace themselves for an insult. If you find yourself wanting to engage in this bad conversation habit, pause and think about why you’re considering saying anything that you think the listener may be offended by. If you do need to deliver criticism, do it in private and try something like, "I’m concerned about this because …” and then explain why. A more gentle approach would be: “Would you be open to some feedback?”
“Like I said……” — Ouch! Hostile much? Use this one and you’ll sound like you’re calling someone out for not listening. It won’t cost you anything to repeat yourself, and it may keep you from being perceived as aggressive.
