The Shadowy World of the Sinister Gnome Liberation Front

There’s a shadowy group who creep around people’s gardens, and when they’ll strike again, nobody gnomes. These extremists have kidnapped thousands and sent scary ransom notes. They are the Gnome Liberation Front, whose mission is to “free them from their small garden prisons.” It’s not just gnome-lovers in America who are being targeted. The GLF is an outfit that can strike anywhere at any time, and they seem to be particularly active in France. In 1997, a court in France handed three GLF ringleaders a suspended sentence and fines for the theft of over 150 garden gnomes. In 2012, a 53-year-old man in Brittany was arrested after 170 of the little fellas were found in his garden, kidnapped from their original homes. Meanwhile, a 14-inch gnome was stolen from a home in Morgantown, West Virginia. A few days later, the owner received a mugshot and a note reading: “Please bail me out of jail, Uncle Allen. Send money to the PA state penitentiary. Gnomey.” There are some things you can do to protect your gnomes, including putting gravel on the path leading to the them so you will hear an intruder coming, marking your gnomes with your address and phone number, and lining your garden with hedges consisting of prickly bushes to discourage kidnapping. If all else fails, there’s always gnome insurance.