If you’ve ever been cornered by a chatty Cathy, it can be hard to figure out how to end the conversation without being rude. In fact, a Harvard study found that conversations almost never end when both participants want them to. So, whether you’ve been trapped at a party, interrogated by your aunt at a family event, or stuck in a meeting with a talkative co-worker, there’s actually a way to extricate yourself without hurting the other person’s feelings. First, you can use small, neutral, task-oriented excuses like, “I need to check on…..”, “I have a call I need to make…..,” or “I need to get back to the office.” The goal is to help you and them save face. There’s one crucial point, though. You actually need to do the thing you say you’re going to do. In other words, you can’t say you need to rush back to the office, only to get intercepted in the hallway spending 10 minutes chatting with someone else.
What about when you’re cornered at a party? Tell the other person you’ll check back with them soon, and briefly explain why — “Hey, I just spotted a friend across the room I want to catch before they leave. Let’s catch up in a bit.” This gives a clear, polite reason to leave that isn’t personal, and telling the other person you’ll catch up later will help them not feel brushed off.
Now, what do you do about the aunt who drones on and wants to know every intimate detail of your life? Have in mind a go-to errand or task you have to take care of. That way, it gives you an easy out with no guilt. You can say something like, “Oh, I’d love to talk more, but I should check on the mashed potatoes, kids, dog, etc. As for the busybody who’s always asking rude questions that make you uncomfortable, a sure-fire comeback is, “You’ll be the first to know, after The New York Times! So, catch me up on your life.” That shuts down the inappropriate question and immediately shifts the attention to the other person, which most people accept because it focuses on them.
Finally, how do you end a conversation when you’re angry? It may be tempting to slam the phone down or storm off, but you may regret that later. Instead, make a calm, factual statement: “I can feel this conversation getting heated, so why don’t we talk more about it when we’re both calmer?” That way, you own your feelings without blaming the other person, but you also set a very clear boundary at the same time. This communicates control and calmness, helping to deescalate conflict.
