U.S. Government Issues Bear Advice: Friends Don't Let Friends Get Eaten

There are a few potential reactions to being attacked by a bear: stand your ground and attempt to scare it off, run away, or perhaps curl up into the fetal position and hope for the best. However, the U.S. government has now officially advised against the most cowardly option: pushing over a slower friend to save yourself. In a rather informal set of recommendations, the National Park Service has warned against sacrificing another person to an irate bear “even if you think the friendship has run its course.” The park service recommends that anyone coming face-to-face with a bear “move away closely and sideways, which allows you to keep an eye on the bear and avoid tripping. Moving sideways is also non-threatening to bears.” People are advised not to run because it’s a bear’s nature to chase anything fleeing. At the end of the statement, the park service signed off with a rather humorous statement: “We apologize to any ‘friends’ who were brought on a hike as the ‘bait’ or were sacrificed to save the group. You will be missed.⁣”